Recent days have seen rather public examples of poor impulse control: Joe Wilson, Serena Williams, and Kanye West. While these folks would certainly benefit from some meditation (or medication), perhaps a way can be found to use folks with poor impulse control against each other. For example, imagine if Serena Williams was assigned to keep an eye on Kanye West? Here is how it might have gone down at the MTV awards.
Swift: “I’d like to thank…”
Kanye West rushes up on the stage and makes a grab for the microphone. Suddenly, Serena Williams leaps from her front row seat, racquet in hand. Throwing all her awesome might behind a swing, she drives a tennis ball into West’s little “Kanyes.” West falls to the floor, emitting a terrible sound much like what a dying gnome might make.
In great pain, West tries to pull himself up, his hand still reaching for the microphone. Swift, debating whether to take an attack of opportunity or not, tightens her grip on the award.
West: “Bitch, do you know who I know I am?”
Williams: “Bitch? Shut the f@ck up! I’ll put one tennis ball down your throat and another one up your @ss. Now get back in your seat and let the little white girl get her award. I swear to God I will put you down!”
West: “But, I’m Kanye West!”
Williams: “I know who you are. But you’re no Rick James, bitch. So stay the f@ck off the stage.”
Swift: “Go away before I beat you with my little spaceman!”
Swift: “If you try to take the microphone again I will beat your bitch @ss down with my little spaceman, so help me Jesus!”
Williams: “Way to go, girl!”
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