Although I can only “ugly jog” for 200-600 yards at a time, I am mobile enough to volunteer at road/cross country races and did so today. While it was a bit hard working rather than cross the finish line, it was good to see everyone. When I run, I almost never wear a shirt, but when I was at the race I was wearing one. This led to the following conversation:
Friend: “Hey, how are you doing? How’s the knee?”
Me: “Okay. I can ugly jog now.”
Me: “Observe.” I commence ugly jogging.
Friend: “For the love of God stop! It hurts my soul!”
Friend: “Yes…I’ll take that memory to the grave. Hey, you’re wearing a shirt. You never wear shirts at races. Not even when it is cold.”
Me: “Well, I do wear shirts sometimes, like in January. But it never really gets cold here. This is Florida, you know. But, I’m wearing a shirt because walking around without a shirt on is creepy. Oddly enough, running with one off is fine. Standing around after a race without a shirt is fine. But just walking around without a shirt…creepy. And driving without a shirt, that is creepy as hell. I mean, where is a dude going not wearing a shirt? Nowhere good, I can tell you.”
Friend: “Are sure about all that?”
Me: “Yeah. Watch this.” I take off my shirt and start walking.
Friend: “Damn, that is creepy.”
Me: “Now, watch this. I’m going jog a bit. Don’t look at my legs, just the upper body.”
Friend: “Damn, you are one sexy beast!”
Me: “Now you’re creeping me out, dude.”