While I am not religious in the traditional sense, I am a big fan of Easter. This is because of my belief in Peeps and my position as a bishop in the Peepist faith. Each year I acquire Peeps for the masses (well, the masses in my Sunday gaming group) and dispense them with the ritual words “eat this, for it is air and sugar, plus some chemicals you probably don’t want to know about.” The Peeps are consumed, typically with beer, and the sugar rush begins. Just as God intended.
I have heard some rumors of a War on Easter, which I presume is being waged as a follow up to the War on Christmas. Since I am very much for Easter, I will endeavor to protect the holiday from those who would war on it. You can rest assured I am doing my part: I have stockpiled Peeps, jelly beans, chocolate and Cadbury Eggs and will be (as always) dispensing them to my friends for Easter. Anyone who refers to it as “Spring Festival” or anything other than “Easter” shall receive but one Peep, delivered into their left nostril. I’d go with two, but I don’t think that Jesus would approve of me whacking anyone with Peeps on his resurrection day.
