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While running a ten mile race on Saturday, the conversation turned to Tiger Woods. Naturally, there were the usual witty remarks-about how he should be called “Lion Woods” because tigers are solitary creatures and male lions have harems. However, we did manage to squeeze in some ethical commentary on cheating and marriage.
The main conclusion was that if a person is aware that he is a “hose monkey” (to use the technical term for a person who cannot help but screw around) then he should not get married. Rather, he should just monkey around until he grows old and dies (or just dies). After all, cheating will almost certainly harm his spouse, him, and even the other women. By not marrying, the hose monkey avoids inflicting these harms and thus acts in a morally correct manner-at least in this regard. Naturally, he can be criticized on other grounds, but at least he is not committing adultery, cheating or engaged in the deceit needed for those things. As such, the open and honest hose monkey is a primate that can be commended…almost.
Of course, hose monkeys do get married. One reason is that it is socially expected, even now. Another reason is that even hose monkeys long for a stable companion (they just also long for a stable of companions). In the case of celebrity hose monkeys, one hypothesis (put forth by Keith during the race) was that a famous man needs to get married and create the right image to secure the family man style endorsement deals. That does make sense.
How does a person know if he is a hose monkey? Well, some cynical feminists might suggest the following test: “Are you a guy? Then the answer is ‘yes.'” But, not all guys are hose monkeys-and not just because they lack the funds needed to keep up a stable.
The final part of the conversation turned to the claim that Tiger Woods wife allegedly has a deal in which she would be paid to stay with Tiger.While I did not comment on her in the specific, I did raise a moral concern about someone who would accept money to stay in a marriage. While cheating is bad, accepting cash to stick in a marriage seems like it might be equally bad. This sort of thing makes the claim “marriage is long term prostitution and prostitution is short term marriage” seem rather plausible.
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Woods’ “indescretions” say as much about women as they do about men.
They knew he was married, but also knew he was rich and famous.
True. Unlike golf, that game takes two (or more) to play.
Oh, and the Army is filled with hose monkeys. I’d say it’s at pandemic levels. They’re the worst kind, too. They’ll try to hose your woman, even though the hoser is married or involved. They can’t even stick to single chicks. And unfortunately, said hose monkey may be semi-proteced by his rank. Technically he’s not protected, but higher rank does imply: “You can’t f*** with me.”
I however, am a very bold and mouthy bastard and take advantage of regulations which do in fact protect me.
I suspect that the whole world is a monkey cage. 🙂
He’s the greatest golfer ever aiming for a new supremacy. Heights never reached. He shoots. He scores! Step aside Kobe. These ladies clinging to his muscular thighs know what a hole in one really is. How many STD’s is his wife reportedly getting paid to deal with? Honey I’m home. And I brought a new friend with me. I call him Drippy Clams.
Bravely done. 🙂
As David Letterman might say, this guy has more trouble than a hose monkey on a rock.
http://www.joplinglobe.com/local/local_story_342095526.html
Why do some people have all the fun?
She moved out with whatever she caught. Golf is about scoring low. All these women on his scorecard must be hurting his average.