On 9/8/2009 Obama gave a speech aimed at America’s school children. While the message seemed to be innocuous (“stay in school, work hard, and don’t do drugs”), some folks were terrified that Obama would indoctrinate the children with his socialist ideals. It turns out that this nightmare has become a reality, as shown by this completely not made up phone conversation:
Friend: “Mike, I made a horrible mistake!”
Me: “What? Did you invest in AIG again? Take out another subprime mortgage loan? Buy the complete Friends show on DVD?”
Friend: “No..no. Far worse. I let my kids watch Obama’s school speech. Now…now they are like socialist zombies. Billy is trying to nationalize everything, Sally and Jane have grandpa trapped in the attic and are insisting that he be brought before a Death Panel, and Roger says he wants to get gay married to the parrot. Why, oh why didn’t I listen to Rush?”
Me: “Holy crap, that sounds bad. But why call me?”
Friend:“Well, I heard that you and some of your buddies have some experience in deprogramming cultists.”
Me:“Sure. But we usually ‘deprogram’ them by shooting them. Sometimes we blow them up, though. That deprograms the hell out of them. But I’m reasonable sure that you don’t want your kids shot or blown up, right?”
Friend: “Well…no, I suppose not. But, can you help me? Roger has started yelling that I need to divorce his mother and marry Bill O’reilly…I think the girls have got the shotgun…they are all speaking in some language I can’t understand. It might be…French…what can I do?”
Me: “Hell, it sounds like Obama’s speech summoned up some socialist demons and they are possessing your kids. You’ll need to perform an exorcism to drive them out. First, turn on Fox News full blast on all your TV sets. Then get webcasts of Rush’s show going on your PC. If you can, get Rush’s show on the radio, too.”
Friend: “Okay, I did all that…the kids have moved into the bathroom to get away from the holy power of Fox and Rush.”
Me: “Now you need to get a copy of the Wealth of Nations and touch it to each child’s head. While you do this, have your wife follow up with an Ayn Rand book. Any one will do. Also, sprinkle the kids with money and anything with a corporate logo on it. All the while, chant ‘greed is good.'”
Friend: “I’ve got a hat with the GM logo…”
Me: “For the love of God, don’t use that. GM is a socialist company now, under the dominion of Obama. Have you got any Microsoft products?”
Friend: “Yes.”
Me: “Use those.”
Friend: “Okay, I’m throwing copies of Office and Vista at them! They’re crying!”
Me: “That is a normal reaction to Microsoft. Getting a human response from them is a good sign! Keep it up man, keep it up!”
Friend: ” Greed is good! Greed is good! Greed is good!”
Roger: “I don’t want to marry a gay parrot! I want to smoke dope, play Xbox all day and drop out of school!”
Sally & Jane: “We don’t want to kill grandpa! We want to watch reality TV and not do our homework!”
Friend: “They’re back to normal!”
Me: “Yes, yes they are. The demons of Obama have been banished and all the evil influences of his speech have been driven out. Your kids are back to their usual unmotivated selves, just as God intended. “
🙂
Ouch!
Wow, that cracked me up……although, I have all of Friends on DVD!!! lol
More giggles for you. Laugh ’til you cry.
http://www.mcclatchydc.com/politics/story/75271.html
Oh I know. I read about this the other day. It doesn’t surprise me one little bit, actually.
Obama is against gay marriage. Dick Cheney, however, is in favor of gay marriage.
I kid you not.
Obama: The President has two daughters. I won’t expect a position shift until one of them says “Daddy, I want to marry Marie” (or words to that effect). Or until he really, really, really,really needs the gay vote.
Cheney: Surprise! It appears “blood is indeed thicker than politics (and religion,perhaps?). If his lesbian daughter would get pregnant (which she did) and be discovered to have a medical condition (which she didn’t, fortunately) that could endanger her health during her pregnancy, I’d hope he’d be for an abortion, if necessary.* I’d also hope he’d be perfectly accepting if his daughter decided to leave her partner to live with a communist, an ex-con, an atheist(!) etc.
His daughter on the other hand proved “politics is thicker than–well–something” when she ‘didn’t’ come out against the proposed Federal Marriage Amendment during the 2004 campaign but later, in her book, said she opposed it.
Ain’t it funny how “firm beliefs” can turn to smoke when the rubber meets the road. 🙂
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*Based on info I could find, the ex-VP, as a congressman ,voted against federal funding for abortions in the case of rape, incest and life of the mother; later in VP campaign mode he supported abortions in those instances but didn’t mention any change in his stance on federal funding. Same position, different approach: In those specific cases abortion is acceptable but gets no federal funding.
Would that mean that if your daughter gets pregnant when you or someone else rapes her, or if her life is in jeopardy because of the pregnancy, she might have to travel to a state that permits and helps to fund such abortions—if she can afford the trip (not to mention the cost of the abortion)? It seems to me that Mr. Cheney might be interpreted as saying “I have lots of money, so I can reject the federal funding concept.” Blood is thicker than political ideology? Not quite. Because some of the negative effects of the ideology don’t bite him. . .
One’s coming for GW. Watch.
Not this time. But, if you have a sense of humor, you’ve gotta see this.
You don’t even have to understand German; you can read the “subtitles”. 🙂