Archives for September 5, 2009

On September 3, 2009 I had what I hoped would be my last follow up visit for my quadriceps tendon repair surgery. Unfortunately, I’ll have to go back again. The following dialogue nicely explains the situation:

Friend: “So, I hear you had your last appointment. Ready to start winning races again?”

Me: “Well, it was supposed to be my last. Now I have to go back for another x-ray and follow up. Also, I won’t be winning anything for a while, unless it is for ugliest running style. Or, rather, hobble-jogging style.”

Friend: “But, you seem to be doing so well.”

Me: “I am, but the x-ray I had today shows that I’ve got  heterotopic ossification.”

Friend: “Your surgery made you gay?”

Me: “What? No. heterotopic ossification is when bones form in soft tissue. In my case, I’ve got some tiny bone nodules in the soft tissue above the knee. Anyway, being gay would be ‘homo’ and not ‘hetero.'”

Friend: “Your knee is gay and has a bone?”

Me: “Okay, that is wrong on numerous levels. Let me try again. Neither me nor my knee are gay. I have bits of bone tissue that grew in the soft tissue.”

Friend: “Does that give you powers?”

Me: “Um, what?”

Friend: “You know, can you extend bone knifes out of your knee, like Wolverine did in X-Men Origins?”

Me: “No. They just sit there and do nothing other than being vaguely annoying. Much like you.”

Friend: “Are you sure you can’t do that? It would be so cool. You’d be like Knife Knee, the mutant that knees bad guys with his knife knee. You could be an X-Man.”

Me: “Errrrr!”

Friend: “What are you doing?”

Me: “Trying to get that knee knife to work so I can stab you.”

Friend: “Awesome! I’ll start designing your costume and your catchphrase. How about ‘knife kneeing evil in the groin’?”

Me: “No.”