Archives for August 22, 2009

Q: Does Obama have a health care plan?
A: Yes. Much like Hitler had a plan.

Q: Speaking of Hitler, I heard that the health care plan will be a Nazi plan. Is this true?
A: Nothing could be further from the truth.

Q: Whew, that is a relief…
A: Wait, I’m not done answering. It will be ten thousand times worse than the Nazis. At least. Probably much worse.

Q: Um, yeah. I also heard that Obama plans to kill old people. Is that true?
A: Not at all. Killing them would waste valuable resources. His plan is to put them to work at GM. After they drop dead assembling socialist cars, any usable organs will be harvested and the leftover bits will be made into pet food. Or maybe people food, perhaps something called Soylent Gray. You know, like in the movie.

Q: Soylent Green?
A: Yes. That one.

Q: Health care sounds expensive. How will Obama pay for it?
A: He’ll tax the [email protected] out of everybody. Especially people like you. He’ll double [email protected] you. I bet you won’t like that.

Q: What if the tax money isn’t enough?
A: He’ll sell the old people’s organs to the Chinese. Plus, there is already a deal in the works with Purina and McDonalds for the other bits.

Q: Really?
A: Yes. Here, try a sample McPerson burger.

Q: Any trans fat in it?
A: No. McPerson meat is 100% trans fat free. Plus it is free range and organic. By that I mean that the old people sleep outside when they aren’t making cars and they mostly eat what they can find around the factories. Things like weeds, mice and pigeons. Sometimes each other. It is best not to ask, really.

Q: Back to health care. What can I expect to get from the plan?
A: Taxed. And double [email protected] taxed.

Q: I mean, what about my medical care?
A: Well, a Nazi bureaucrat will get between you and your doctor. Plus, you’ll have no choice. If the bureaucrat says that you need a hysterectomy, then you get one.

Q: A hysterectomy? But I’m a man.
A: You won’t be after that operation. But that was just an example. Maybe he’ll decide that you need to be euthanized. It is all up to the bureaucrats. They will probably just spin a wheel or something to see what to do. But in any case you’ll have to wait a long time before seeing a doctor. You’ll probably be dead long before your appointment.

Q: Can I keep my old insurance? I have Blue Cross and Blue Shield?
A: No. Obama is going to round up all the people who work for insurance companies and put them into camps. Like I said, it is a Nazi health care plan. You can keep your old plan, but everyone who worked for that company won’t need health care anymore. If you get what I mean.

Q: Is this all true?
A: As far as you know.