With Christmas and the other holidays approaching, I have been forced to engage in that hated activity: wrapping presents. Like all true males, I am not merely bad at wrapping. I am horrific. I can take beautiful wrapping paper, tape, and a great gift (all my gifts are great) l and transform it all into shameful ruin. Naturally, I take pride in possessing this anti-skill.
My female friends (who all seem to be gifted wrappers that can transform a paper sack into a magical wrapping wonder) don’t seem to understand this anti-skill. Here is how it often goes:
Me: “Merry Christmas!”
Friend: “What the hell is that? What the hell?”
Me: “Your present.”
Friend: “What? It looks like a drunken llama chewed up a bunch of festive wrap and then threw up a cud.”
Me: “Nice. I’ll just take that back.”
Friend: “Wait…you usually have something great under all that llama puke. I’ll just close my eyes when I open it.”
Me: “Hey, your boyfriend says he does the same thing when he undresses you.”
Friend: “Hah hah. But, how can you create such horrible things? I’ve seen you work on computers so I know that you actually have manual dexterity.”
Me: “Oh, gift wrapping is not about manual dexterity. Even male brain surgeons wrap badly.”
Friend: “What is it, then?”
Me: “We just don’t care.”
Friend: “About the person you are giving gifts to? I knew it…you men are heartless pigs.”
Me: “Well, yeah. But it is that we don’t care about wrapping stuff. It seems like such a waste of time. You know, like allowing women to walk around clothed when they could just be naked all the time.”
Friend: “What?”
Me: “Nothing. Forget I said that. Anyway, we just don’t care enough to wrap stuff in a festive and magically wonderful holiday fashion.”
Friend: “But my friend Bryce wraps his presents in a fabulous way.”
Me: “Well, yeah. Bryce is a totally fabulous guy.”
Friend: “What are you saying?”
Me: “Nothing. Enjoy your llama cud.”
Haha!
This might relate.
I’ve been starting to wonder about the doors in my house. What is the point of them? Except for washroom, study room, bedroom doors and the exterior ones. For the rest… whats the point.
I proved the point to my mom, she just goes around saying how everything should be nice and I’m crazy. Yaaap…
I can’t wrap gifts for crap. I just don’t get it. I’m going to take classes or something….
Kernunos can teach you. You can listen to NPR together while wrapping Barbara Streisand movies as gifts. 😉
Ah, crap! I think there is something wrong with me. I can actually wrap presents quite well. Does this mean I should be listenning to NPR?
No. It means you should be listening to show tunes. 😉
Doors in houses are important: they can buy you precious seconds to reload during the zombie apocalypse. 🙂
Steisand needs a gift alright.