A little something for my conservative friends:
It was 2029 in the Obamanation that had once been America. The human race was running out of time. With the Same Sex Marriage Chapels running twenty four hours a day and mandatory abortion, it looked like there would soon be no humans left.
But, though the world was a gay, gunless wasteland, resistance had not been extinguished. A few brave men and women fought on against the oppressive Liberalnet system. Gathering their meager resources, they were able to build a time machine and send a single soldier back to the past. This soldier would kill, in the past, the one person responsible for the ruin of America. This would, it was hoped, set things right.
In a flurry of pyrotechnics, the McCainator appeared in the past. Well, what was then the present. What was…I mean is now. Whatever. Hell, you know what I mean.
A bit dazed and really naked, the McCainator was confronted by four young men. They whistled at him and called him “sweetcheeks.” After killing them, he decided to dress in their rather fashionable clothes. He then when in search of guns, lots of guns.
Arriving at what he thought was a gun store, he went up to the counter and spat out harsh words to the foppish young fellow.
“The 12 gauge auto-loader. The 45 long slide with laser sighting. Phase plasma rifle in 40-watt range.
The Uzi 9mm.”
The fellow looked at him and replied, “dude, what are those?”
“Guns. I need guns.”
The fellow thought for a moment and said, “Oh, I remember my dad talking about those in the before time. We haven’t had any guns since 2008. I sell bongs and sex toys now.”
“Wait, this isn’t 2008?”
“No, dude. This is 2012. The fourth year of our savior’s reign.”
“Damn! They didn’t send me back far enough!”
The McCainator suddenly reached past the dude to grab the biggest bong.
“Hey, you can’t do that!”, yelled the dude.
“Wrong”, said the McCainator, whacking the dude in the face until he cried out for socialized medicine.
“I’m a maverick. I do what I want, bitch.”
The McCainator went back to the future and made sure the eggheads got it right this time.
After getting guns, lots of guns, he went looking for his target.
To make sure he got the right one, he’d ask before shooting: “Are you Sarah Palin?”