This past Sunday I woke up at midnight with that most wonderful of things-a sore throat. Not just a bit sore, but the sort of pain one might experience if a crazed porcupine decided to set up housekeeping in one’s throat. Well, perhaps not quite that bad, but rather bad.
Naturally, I had to teach three classes on Monday. If there is anything more fun than a having a sore throat it would be talking for a few hours with a sore throat. Of course, I turned to the healing power of modern medicine. Well, not really a healing power-more like a masking power. As far as I can tell, cold medicine works by confusing your body-you are still sick, but you just don’t care. I understand that is what is like to be a Republican, but I could be wrong.
Since I’m a professor and, in theory, am supposed to present coherent lectures, some might wonder what effect all these medicines had on my teaching. Here is how things have gone this week:
Student: “Do gay penguins go to hell?”
Student: “Is that bad for them?”
Me: “Yes. They are accustomed to the cold so the fires of Hell will be extra uncomfortable for them.”
Student: “That makes me sad.”
Me: “As well it should. But, the penguins only have themselves to blame.”
Student: “Should disobedient children be stoned?”
Me: “Well, the bible is pretty clear on that.”
Student: “That seems harsh.”
Me: “Well, look at it this way. Following that precept will result in fewer people. This means less time waiting in line or trying to find a parking space. Think about that the next time you’re waiting to check out a movie at Blockbuster.”
Student: “I find that intriguing. Tell me more about this idea.”
Me: “Hell, I’m hallucinating again…I’m still in my office and class is 20 minutes away.”
Student: “No, you’re in class now. Um, where are your pants?”
Me: “I think the penguins stole them.”
Student: “Then they should be stoned.”
Me: “You have learned well young Jedi.”
Me: “Thank goodness, it was just a dream. I’m still at home. Hey, where are my pants?”
Me: “Damn penguins.”
And so it goes.