Recently it was revealed that a noted family value Republican was a client of the latest Washington Madam. This raises an interesting question about forgiveness.
It might be thought that he should not be forgiven-after all, you should not be seeing prostitutes when you are married (and probably when you are not). But, we all make mistakes (hopefully not that extreme) and we generally want to eb forgiven for our errors. So when should forgiveness be offered?
I like the Three R formula myself: remorses, repentance and redemption.
The first step is remorse. The person must genuinely regret what was done and accept that it is wrong. Feeling regret about being exposed or caught does not count. It can be hard to tell when a person is sincere-that is a practical problem.
The second step is repentance. A person must take the appropriate steps to undo or counter their misdeed. This must also be sincere and must be done in good faith. While some things cannot be undone, there are almost always ways to repent.
The final step is redemption. The person must have learned from their actions and must be on their guard against falling again. Once redeemed a person is accepted back into the good graces of others.
Since we will all fail at some point, we need to be willing to extend forgiveness to others. Yes, there are some things that cannot be forgiven. Fortunately, these are not things that most of us ever do.
Sometimes we even need to forgive outselves.
You can say that a thousane times but it doesnt make it heard. Here is a little story that I will share with you. It may or may not have anything to do with this post but it reminded me of the story.
Once my daughter wanted to take some college classes in the summer to make up for some math that she failed during her 9th grade of high school. She believed that she had to stay in Georgia for this to take place. I asked her to come and stay with me in California for that summer instead. She did not want to but it really was impossible for her to take those classes. I could not afford them nor could her father. Neither of us told her that in so many words. Instead I led her to believe with a promise that I would see what I could do. She came and when it came down to putting her in a summer class she was angry. She cried and said that I had let her down. I didnt want to take the responsiblity so I tried to blame it on her. I reminded her that she did terrible in school (she is actually very brilliant so there is no reason for her not to have good grades) because she was bored. I began to become very angry and yell at her. I really felt so mad. I then stopped and asked myself who I was really mad at? I was really mad at myself but felt so much guilt that I took it out on her. Thats not okay. So I told her how I felt exactly, the guilt and the anger and how I was projecting it on to her. It hurts to know that you have let someone down who believes in you. Especially when they confront you. She then said that she herself was at fault and it was both of us. She should do better in school when given the chance and I shouldnt promise things for my own personal gain. I really wanted to see her. She lived with her father for 2 years and the summer was all I had at the time. I am happy to say she lives with me again! 😉
My husband now went to the bar and I hate it when he goes to the bar without at least telling me! Its a meat market and I am insecure. So I found out that he had done that. I confronted him and asked him why and he became insane and mad. He yelled at me and accused me of being out of control and “a crazy bitch” in so many words. I remembered my situation with my daughter a couple of days before and told him that I understood and walked him through what he was going through. I took a big risk at doing this. He just looked at me and walked out the door. He came back an hour or so later and he talked to me about it. He has never reacted in that manner since then. Thats why I love him so, he doesnt want me to know but he does listen to me and he tries to work with me. 🙂 When I am right, I know because not another word is said.